· Most hot dogs eaten while doing taxes.
· Longest time waiting to get a CVS clerk’s attention.
· Oldest kindergarten graduate.
· Largest insect found in a motel bed.
· Most emails asking a friend if she/he received email that said, “Please respond.”
· Most blind dates ending with the question: “Is that a birthmark or an Aryan Nation tattoo?”
· Most times a psychotherapist mentions, “They’re doing wonderful things with electro shock therapy.”
· Longest time breath held voluntarily in a porta potty.
· Most times tripping over the world’s longest mustache.
· Largest collection of anything.
Ben Alper writes for late night talk show hosts, comedians and others. He is the author of “Thank You for Not Talking: A Laughable Look at Introverts.”
