Late Night Monologues Through the Ages — Invention of the Telephone

Welcome to the show!

I’m sure you’ve all heard about this new thing called the telephone. It’s a machine that actually allows you to talk with another person at another location.

It’s kind of like smoke signals that don’t sting your eyes.

I could really use one of these. My teenager is always yakking away on the telegraph.

It was invented by a man named Alexander Graham Bell. Ever notice big things are always invented by people with three names: Alexander Graham Bell, James Clerk Maxwell? Just once I’d like to see something amazing created by a guy named Zeke.

The first words Bell spoke into the phone were, “Mr. Watson, come here — I want to see you.” Really? I think I would’ve gone the prank route with something like, “Hey Watson, help me. I’ve accidentally shrunk myself and I’m stuck in this little box!

If telephones take the place of telegraphs, does this mean we’ll now have to hum Morse code?

But you know what the greatest thing about the telephone is? You can talk to anyone while wearing only your long johns.

Ben Alper writes for late night talk show hosts, comedians and things. He is the author of “Thank You for Not Talking: A Laughable Look at Introverts.”