Late Night Monologues Through the Ages — Invention of the Wheel

Good evening.

Did you hear about the guy in Mesopotamia who invented something called the wheel?

It’s a round wooden disk that he claims will make life less unbearable. Hey, if it can stop my wife from complaining about being eaten alive by wild animals, I’m all for it.

They say this wheel could advance civilization. Call me old fashioned but I like carrying heavy loads on my back until I collapse.

His wheel is intended to rotate on an axle bearing. If I’m not mistaken, Axle Bearing is also the god of wacky inventions.

And you know the minute this guy told his girlfriend he invented the wheel she said, “Big deal, Jezebel’s boyfriend invented fire.

They say the wheels work best in pairs. Of course they do; they’re always trying to sell you something extra.

In other news, our village elder celebrated his twenty-seventh birthday. In fact, he’s so old he had to divorce twelve wives because he can only remember fifteen of them.

Ben Alper writes for late night talk show hosts, comedians and things. He is the author of “Thank You for Not Talking: A Laughable Look at Introverts.”