What are People Wearing Masks Thinking?

“Yes, my mask matches my underwear.”

“Dear God, I should never have ordered the liver and onions.”

“Don’t you recognize me? We lived together for 12 years.”

“I feel like robbing a liquor store.”

“Now can I pee in the pool?”

“Doesn’t this make awkward silence almost enjoyable?”

“This isn’t fair. My upper lip is my best feature.”

“(Sigh) No offense, but my old boyfriend could really fill out a mask.”

“Maybe I should’ve just stayed home.”

“I think I inhaled a rhinestone.”

Ben Alper writes for late night talk show hosts, comedians and others. He is the author of “Thank You for Not Talking: A Laughable Look at Introverts.”

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Ben Alper

Ben Alper

Ben Alper has written for late night comedians and many others. He is the author of “Thank You for Not Talking: A Laughable Look at Introverts.”