What Does Your DNA Have To Say?

After years of wondering where I got my compulsion to flick errant crumbs off messy eater’s lower lips, I decided to trace my ancestry with one of those DNA kits.

It’s been quite a journey. So far, I’ve discovered:

· I had a great uncle who was a failed bootlegger of non-alcoholic whiskey.

· My quarter half aunt twice removed was the first female elevator operator to announce: “Third floor, women’s lingerie.”

· An extremely distant relative on my father’s side cured a young Abraham Lincoln of his…